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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473105">Music Sessions in the Evenings</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/liliesinthesky/pseuds/liliesinthesky'>liliesinthesky</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Tsukki being soft, the team being their usual selves, tsukkiyama - Freeform, yamaguchi being supportive af</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:40:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,803</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/liliesinthesky/pseuds/liliesinthesky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Karasano, music was the driving force of unity between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, and served as their guidance and communication through their hardships. No study session or lunch was complete without tangled cords, their comfortable silence or Tadashi's light chatter. Now, while the team practices for the preliminaries during summer break, they have odd evenings for free time after the training camp in Tokyo. Like magnets, through songs and sometimes even instincts, they're back in each other's backyards and rooms, heads bopping in synch to a song. But can things truly go back to be just the same middle school, despite the obvious growth between both of them?</p><p>Just a random AU that I'm sure someone already explored? Tsukki loves music, and Yamaguchi loves to explore new songs, and through it, they explore they're changes and emotions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Until you're okay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Why does Tsukishima always have those on? Does he just have them to ignore everyone?" I look over at Hinata, who stopped me mid-step by grabbing my shirt. </p><p>"Oh, you mean his headphones?"</p><p>" Yeah. He always has them on him, but I've never heard any music from them".</p><p>"Of course not, it'd be rude to play music while around others, especially in a team." I grab my jacket and throw it on haphazardly, the afternoon breeze finally taming the summer heat. </p><p>"Oh of course, and we all know Tsukki is anything but rude". I nod at Hinata, knowing well he's being sarcastic but then again, no one quite understands Tsukki as I do. I wave goodbye at Hinata and the others and step outside by Tsukki's side. </p><p>He's quiet today, abnormally quiet. His step is slower too, almost like the hill and his bag are weighing down on him. His stare is lost far into the horizon, he's in deep thought, his eyebrows are burrowed, hand fiddling with the bag handle. I reach down in my bag and see my earphones, tangled but there nonetheless. I nudge him lightly with my shoulder, and I see his eyes focus back and down to me, I flash him my headphones. I plug them in, and immediately go to our shared music account, faster than he can. I'll set our session today, and as we reach the top of the hill, I choose our first song. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"You don't have to know what to say or what to think, you don't have to be anybody you can never be. That's alright, let it out, talk to me". </em>
</p><p>"I had a conversation with Akiteru". He finally speaks up, many songs later, settled on the creaky steps of Tsukki's backyard. I pause the song and finally look over to him, his eyes fixed upon me, his headphones between his hands, fingers entangling the cords. Spoke to Akiteru? That's both new and in a way, unsettling.</p><p>"How was it." It's not a question, it's just placeholder, to keep the flow because he always keeps talking to me.</p><p>" It went well. I asked him why he kept playing despite the situation in high school. He said he just wants to give it his all, that it's <em>fun. </em>" His hands finally stop twirling with the cord.</p><p>"What made you finally ask him that Tsukki?"</p><p>"A conversation I had with Bokuto. Back when I trained my blocking with him and Kuroo." I nod, I already knew of that conversation. We spoke quietly that night, the night I lashed out at him. As everyone slept Tsukki's words hushed, my face burning still with shame and happiness as he told me about his practice with them. </p><p>"I'm glad you got to speak to him about that, it's been in your mind these years right? </p><p>"Yeah, I guess". Instinctively, I reach to stop his hands, which are currently smashing the cord of his headphones between his fingertips. How many cords has he broken since he got those?</p><p>"Fun? Tch." He stares at the sky, his voice is still annoyed, but his expression is confused and sad. </p><p>"Yeah?" I look over, dropping my hand in the space between us. </p><p>"Bokuto said one day maybe I'll get an experience so special and unique to me, and I'll fall in love with volleyball. But honestly... It'll be a miracle if I can just make it fun."  He sighs, but his shoulders drop. He let it all out. I wonder if he's been keeping this bottled up since the first day we got back? The stress of a single comment, running circles in his mind, trying to make sense of it.</p><p>"We still have fall and winter, then two years Tsukki, you'll find it eventually sometime there". </p><p>"The fun or love?" He mumbles, shifting his headphones over his ears, and I unpause the song. His hand drops down to his side, it bumps into mine. </p><p>"Either one or both. The teams here... I'm here for you, for when it comes or if it doesn't. And I'm here now, remember what Daichi said? One game at a time. One thing at a time." We don't move, even as the same song starts. I see his lips relax, he smiles up to darkening sky. </p><p>"I know. I'm okay if I have those things". He smiles to me now. and I smile back. </p><p>
  <em>"We can talk here on the floor on the phone, if you prefer. I'll be here until you're okay. Let your words release your pain, you and I will share the weight. Growing stronger day by day."</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Partly in dedication to those Spotify users who make playlists for the characters. Really digging the Tadashi playlist and listening to it while I wrote this. Yall check them out cus they're great!<br/>This chapter's song was 'Talk to me' by Cavetown.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Quiet Dynamite</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the instance when Ennoshita gives them vague advice and Nishinoya gives them energy drinks.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"I know. I'm ok if I have those things. And have you too."    </em>
</p>
<p>My heart hammers in my chest, and I feel the blood rush down as I jump awake. I put my hand over my chest, my heartbeats slowing down. Was it a dream? I didn't actually say the last part? My shaky hands find my glasses and reach for my phone to see two texts from the team group chat. </p>
<p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>Daichi- Training is Miday today, don't forget guys. Today and tomorrow will be our longest training days and then we have the weekend free. I'll see everyone at 12 sharp! </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>Sugawara- Bring a light lunch. We don't need anyone with stomach aches or drowsiness. </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p>I put my phone to charge and finally get up. Unprepared and slept in. What a start for a day. </p><hr/>
<p>"Slept in? That's unlike you Tsukki". Tadashi's reassuring smile greets me at our meetup spot. </p>
<p>"How do you know I'm not just running late?" </p>
<p>"Because you have that look on your face. It's either you didn't sleep well or slept in." He's always right about either those too. We start walking down a hill with our usual silence. But it's short-lived today. </p>
<p>"Tsukishima, Yamaguchi! Come look, Coach Ukai has these cool new Energy drinks! You guys are always so slow to warm-up, try them!". Right in front of coach Ukai's store, NIshinoya stands with his hands full of cans. </p>
<p>"Uh, no thanks."</p>
<p>"I'll have to pass to Nishinoya. Thank you, do.."</p>
<p>"Well, I bought them already, so just take them." </p>
<p>"Wait Nishi-" And he takes off. </p>
<p>"It's ok. We'll find something to do with them". </p>
<p>"Right... I guess we can just put them away".</p>
<p>"Do these even work?" I try to read the ingredients, but most are still foreign to me.</p>
<p>"Maybe, but if we don't pick up our pace, we'll be late and have to run laps." I nod to Tadashi. So we pick up our pace. Lately, he's been more logical than me. Like he's in control and always calm. Lately... I can barely keep up with the progress he's been making. </p>
<p>"What are you smiling about? Those laps sound interesting, Tsukki?"</p>
<p>"Not one bit, want some music?". If I wasn't smiling before, I think I am now. I put on my headphones and start looking for a song or playlist. He won't beat me to it today.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> "You'll listen to my lectures on the phone, you'll help me find the treasure in the hole. You'll tell me if I'm acting like a fool. Know that you're not something to lose, now".  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"And to think we're only half-way done for the day. Independent practice in a single gym is so chaotic". We find a bench to sit, the one with the most shade that I'm sure the second years had their eyes on but beat them to it.</p>
<p>"I know. I'm right in the middle of it all trying to do blocks with the two airheads. By the way, I saw your float serve. No one was able to put a finger on it". Tadashi stops mid-laugh and looks at me, chopsticks still hanging by his mouth.</p>
<p>"You saw that?"</p>
<p>"I think everyone did." </p>
<p>"Oh. I mean, it's nothing really. It was only one". </p>
<p>"They're not necessarily the easiest trick to do. Your receives are way better now too. The practice is paying off. Good job". </p>
<p>"Thank you then, Tsukki." </p>
<p>"No need. Just stating the facts." Our lunch continues, in the same way. Ennoshita and the other second years scoot us to the edge of the table, and by the time we put on our headphones and continue the song, our break is over. </p>
<p>"They're so quiet. I see the progress they've made, but still." Kinoshita leans over and begins a different conversation with Ennoshita and Narita, probably thinking we can't hear him through our headphones. </p>
<p>"That's fine. It's only a matter of time before they become a proper dynamic duo of their own." Ennoshita looks over at Tadashi and me, his usual serene eyes scanning over us. When I finally look away, Tadashi nods at me, and we get up and back to the gym. A dynamic duo? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> "I've got something to confess, I'd keep you in my pocket to use. You're my only compass, I might get lost without you".  </em>
</p><hr/>
<p>Today I didn't oversleep, and my mood seems to be going back to normal. The unbearable heat appears to be calming down, and overcast clouds cover the sun and the breeze feels cool. I can't deny that I'm looking forward to two days with no practice. </p>
<p>"I'm going to try them!" Tadashi looks over at me, eyes determined as he reaches in his bag as we head to practice. </p>
<p>"What exactly?"</p>
<p>"Remember the drinks Nishinoya gave us? I got curious, so I'm going to try one today". </p>
<p>"You usually don't drink caffeine, will you be all right?"</p>
<p>"How strong can it be?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was strong. </p>
<p>Seeing Tadashi practice was a spectacle. His digs were great, and he landed more serves too. But after hours of non-stop, it seems to be wearing off and leaving him with a headache. </p>
<p>"So you're sure it's just that?" Sugawara's concerned eyes look over at Tadashi, who's holding an icepack to his forehead as Hinata sits by his side, face worried.</p>
<p>"I'm positive. He drank half of it in 3 gulps, so that's probably why he crashed so quickly".</p>
<p>"And hard too. Poor guy". </p>
<p>"It was you who gave us those drinks, Nishinoya." I peer over at him, and he just shrinks away from me.</p>
<p>"Oh right. Nothing some fresh air and cold water can't fix". He runs away by the time I take two steps toward him.</p>
<p>"Tsukki, why don't you walk him home. Practice is almost over. There's no denying he did great today, too, as well as you. Your blocks are great. I'm glad your practice with Kuroo and Bokuto was helpful".Daichi comes by my side and squeezes my shoulder. </p>
<p>"Thanks... I guess,". Sugawara comes back to where Daichi and I stand and gives us the green light from coach Ukai to leave early.</p>
<p>"Tadashi, no energy drinks. But good work. Same to you Tsukishima". </p>
<p>"Yes, coach..." </p>
<p>"Come on, we need to change." </p>
<p>"I guess you were right. I couldn't handle even half".   </p>
<p>"Not exactly. A crash from an energy drink is normal for most people. You were even out doing Hinata at a certain point too. just maybe only resort to energy drinks when you need them". </p>
<p>By the time we leave the gym, the overcast sky turns stormy, and midway through, it starts to rain. But Tadashi stands still next to me in the middle of the road. He begins to giggle.</p>
<p>"Tadashi?" </p>
<p>"The cold rain feels amazing right now! It's almost like my headache is gone!" Still laughing, we run and stand under a bus stop. Maybe the energy drink is still having effects on him.</p>
<p>"We can run to my place, it's only a few minutes". </p>
<p>"Why run? We're already soaked at this point". I notice I'm still holding on to his wrist. It still feels warm, despite the cold rain and wind blowing through. </p>
<p>"Tsukki?" His hand moves, his fingers wrap around my hand. It sends goosebumps up my arm. He's done this before, held my hand this way. Why does it feel different now?</p>
<p>"Come on, we're both wet. We can't stand here for long. Think you can run?" </p>
<p>"If you think it's better than walking."</p>
<p>"What do you suggest?"</p>
<p>"My headache is gone. Let's enjoy the rain".</p>
<p>"Like we're some elementary school kids?"</p>
<p>"Exactly. Like we're kids again". </p>
<p>"Ok... I guess. We're pretty close now". Why do I agree with him? Is it because his eyes widen when he looks at me? Is it because he feels warms, and everything else is cold?</p>
<p>I put my glasses away and Tadashi pulls out his phone, removing his hand from mine. The cold hit me all the sudden. </p>
<p>"We have to listen to music."</p>
<p>"I wouldn't have it another way." He puts his phone back in his bag, music blasting loudly. His hand pulling me out the bus stop, and we walk home. This time, the warmth stays on me, even after he let's go of my hand. And he sings along.</p>
<p>
  <em>So can I call you tonight? I'm trying to make up my mind just how I feel, could you tell me what's real?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really love the change of character-view, I hope it flows ok!<br/>This Chapter songs where:<br/>Compass by The Neighbourhood<br/>Can I call you tonight by Dayglow.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Molten gold and Galaxies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which the confessions aren't really confessions if they're both acknowledged. Especially not when everything that feels new is also familiar, and the usual intimacy finally flourishes into something more.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been a while since I stayed the night over at Tsukki's place. Everything looked nearly the same, give and take some textbooks and clothes hanged by the closet.  My headache feels like a dull ring in the back of my head, along with my hyper mood  I had as I ran through the rain, but I try to shake it off. My clothes feel almost dry, but  Tsukki's mom refused to let me go home due to the storm.I continue to admire the familiar and pristine room, Tsukki's music plays from the speakers on top of his desk. </p><p>"Here, I found them."</p><p>"I uh, just needed anything you wouldn't mind me using for the night." He hands me a faded green shirt and black shorts. They look familiar.</p><p>"Tsukki... are these the exact clothes you let me borrow whenever I forgot my own". </p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"You know these won't fit me, right?" I look down, shame making me face feel red. I know I'm crashing at his place without much warning. Does he not have anything he would mind me wearing?</p><p>"They... won't?" </p><p>"Tsukki, it's been like two years, I've grown almost a foot since then? I guess I do always bring my clothes in the few times I came over.." Realization crosses through his face.</p><p>"I guess I didn't notice. We're always a few inches apart, even after you started growing at a faster rate than me. It was on instinct to reach for this. I guess a lot has changed. I'm sorry." He turns his face away from mine, walking back to the neatly piled clothes by the drawer. His voice made my chest sting, sending a wave of pain down my heart to my stomach. I can't tell if it's bitterness or melancholy in his voice, but I think it's hurting him too, whatever it is. </p><p>
  <em>                                                                     How, how much to light up my star again, and rewire all my thoughts?</em>
</p><p>"No, I'm sorry. We're not kids anymore. I can't just come and crash your weekend like before. We're exhausted from practice, and this is our only weekend free". My voice comes out hushed. Sure we're both always busy, but we still saw each other almost every day. Has he grown these past months into someone I can't understand anymore?</p><p>"It's not like you had a choice; mom wouldn't have let you out the house after we ate dinner." </p><p>"But what about your plans for the evening and tomorrow morning? I guess I can leave early?" He reaches out for the old clothes, his eyes still on the ground. </p><p>"Who said I can't do what I planned with you?" I feel vulnerable now, something that I don't feel around Tsukki. Together we guarded our backs, we held each other in the silence, and in there, we could be our true selves. So why do his eyes shift nervously, his eyes dim and his face red?</p><p>"Are you... angry at me?" </p><p>"What? No".</p><p>"Then why won't you look at me?" It comes out too fast, too aggressive. I take a step back, my hand clasping down on my mouth. His hand goes up to his glasses, that dumb gesture when he's agitated. He puts his glasses down and steps towards me. Now he's so close, he almost stumbles in front of me. </p><p>
  <em>         Oh baby, won't you remind me what I am? And break, break my little cold heart. Call me up and I'll send for you, take me down to your altitude. I don't know if I can be alone again. I don't know if I can sleep alone again.</em>
</p><p>"What are we even talking about here? I never mind having you around? We're in the same class, and we're in the same team. I know you, and you know me like no one else. God, we spent so many nights studying and playing volleyball together every break we had from school. If anything... I'm just happy we can have time for us. You're the closest person to me, of course, I want you around always. I'm not angry. I'm ecstatic I have an excuse to have you over. I just don't know how to say what I've been feeling, but shit I still care for you the same and know you the same as always. I know you better than myself. I'm sure I still know how many freckles are in your nose alone since we always had those dumb stare games before we went to bed when we were kids". My voice stays trapped in my throat. </p><p>"Do you remember?" He breaks the silence, his voice soft. I open my mouth to respond, and my voice finally returns to me.</p><p>"Yeah. You use to talk about them to me almost every day in 6th grade when they use to make fun of my acne and freckles. You would say they're unique, special until I became comfortable with them".</p><p> "They are unique. How many people in your life have you met with freckles here in Migayi?" He reaches for my hands, giving me the new set of clothes. His palm envelopes my wrist, his cool fingers calming the nervous shake of my hand.</p><p>"You always have more freckles in the summer, right?" </p><p>"The sun brings them out." I move my hand, his ever so slightly larger than mine. His fingers wrap around mine. </p><p>"Yeah, and winter takes your galaxy away." We smile at each other. I wonder how many people ever get to see his smile that reaches his eyes. It's warm and gentle but confident. It's a light, soft gesture. I feel lost in his eyes, warm, molten gold. It contrasts against his pale blond lashes. </p><p>"I know we've changed... I guess I just hate realizing that as we grow older, we drift. It's bound to happen, I guess". </p><p>"I don't think I'll ever let anyone in like you. I couldn't bear it. Why would I? Unless you wanted to stop being close".</p><p>"Give up my best friend? Never". A small giggle escapes me, and I hug him and enjoy him wholly, the clothes crushed between us. I can't bring myself to say how scared I am of him finding someone he clicks better in a different way, someone who can comfort him in all ways. Someone being this close to Tsukki emotionally and physically scares me. What will happen when he starts dating all the pretty girls that dote on him?</p><p>"Good...I'm sorry I upset you over the clothes. I can let you pick up anything you want; it's you. I don't mind what you use to spend the night." His arms wrap around my waist, my head falls on top of his shoulder. </p><p>"Don't be upset anymore, Tadashi?"</p><p>"Kei... I'm not upset over that. I guess this just might be the last time we get be ourselves before.. you know. You start dating". I gather all my courage and let it out, my eyes fixed on the short curls of his nape. My body trembling.</p><p>"I don't think I could bear being physically close or emotionally with anyone else." My hands finally settle in his neck, my eyes feeling teary. </p><p>"You say that now." </p><p>"Yeah, and I never say something I don't mean. Why would I get close to someone else if I'm already close to you?" Tears roll down my cheeks as he says that, he moves slightly to look down at me, his hands not leaving my waist. </p><p>"I don't know what it's like to be into anyone except being into you. I don't want anyone to be close to you like I'm with you. I don't want anyone to count the stars in your galaxy, to anyone to see you like I'm seeing you right now. I don't know what this is. The feelings just keep evolving the older we get, and seeing you gain your confidence without the need of me made me proud but also scared me." His fingers wipe tears that keep rolling down, he caresses me like I'm made of glass. </p><p>"I want to be enough always for you. So you don't leave me, not for another guy or a girl. I want to be selfish". He keeps caressing my face, his thumb drawing circles by my lips.</p><p>"I'm selfish too. I feel like I've always been selfish with you". This whole time, were we both fearing the same thing and hiding it?</p><p>
  <em>                                                                                You got me tattooed on your mind. You just want me all the time</em>
</p><p>"It's easy to get lost in my thoughts. But now I stare into your galaxy and I find exactly what I need". His eyes shine like gold, his gaze focused on me.</p><p>"I don't know what I want or what it is, I just now it feels like this. Like us now". I let the words come out without thinking of them, it seems to work well as of recent. This just feels like us. This intimacy is both new and old, his touch is perfect, safe and familiar. But my heart beats to a different rhythm, and my mind tells me to get closer. </p><p>"Can I show you?" I nod, his hand cupping my cheek and bringing me closer to him. </p><p>
  <em>                      Cause I got everything I wanted. Got the money, got the cars, got the ceiling with the stars. Got everything I wanted but I'd be nothing without you</em>
</p><p>He leans down and kisses my nose, his fingers caressing away tears. My arms on his shoulders push us together. My chest is flushed against his, my fingers wrapped in golden curls. His lips move down, and we're like puzzle pieces coming together. I follow his lead, but I know we're awkward and slow, my lips feel shaky and his breath comes out short and ragged. But we don't let go. </p><p>"Hey Tsukki, I heard Tadashi is over! I got you guys some snacks!" Akiteru's voice makes us both jump, and we pull apart as he swings the door open, but we're not fast enough to entirely separate, our hands hang between the small space between us. </p><p>"Tadashi, it's nice to see you again... oh". I  feel a blush heat my entire body, and I hear Tsukki sigh next to me.</p><p>"Well, it's nice to see you guys are still so close. You guys did use to cuddle together when you guys would sleep.</p><p>"Get. Out!" </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We stan a nosy big brother. I also feel like I write better with Yamaguchi's point of view, so sorry if the last chapter was crappy! I hope I made it up with this one!<br/>My personal headcanon is that Tsukki is nearsighted, so he can focus in on something in front of him while everything else blurs in the background.<br/>This Chapters song where:<br/>Alone again and Escape from L.A By the Weekend.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which they figure out what's different and what's the same,<br/>a conversation between the past the now,<br/>A little delirious and tired, but together they're ok</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Akiteru-kun, you still play volleyball right?" </p>
<p>"Yeah, just with a local team. It'd be great if you and Kei came to check it out. Maybe even train with us". I let Akiteru have his small talk with Tadashi, noting the close distance between them, the tone of endearment in Tadashi's voice. </p>
<p>"I highly doubt I'll have the time to ever go, Akiteru". I give him a side glance, and he shrugs, smiling at me.</p>
<p>"Well, the offer is always open. I'd love to see Tadashi pinch serve". </p>
<p>"It's nothing special, I'm still practicing the jump float". </p>
<p>"Those are killer when mastered, you got this man. Well, I just I wanted to say hi since I missed dinner. I'll see you both tomorrow, maybe I'll even treat you guys to some beer later, but let's keep it hush-hush for now". He winks at Tadashi, ruffling his hair and his soft laughter fills the room. </p>
<p>"Later". I lock the door as soon as he leaves, feeling like I can finally breathe.</p>
<p>"He's so overbearing". </p>
<p>"He's your brother, isn't being like that normal?" I reach over to fix the wild hairs sticking up, brushing it back how he likes it and he comes close to me.</p>
<p>"You don't have to give him the stinkeye over me, Tsukki. He's always been physically affectionate with me". </p>
<p>"I wish he wasn't, not now". His face looks puzzled for a second and then breaks into nervous giggles, his freckles standing out from his bright blushy cheeks. </p>
<p>"Don't be jealous". He smiles at me, and his fingertips rub the wrinkles between my eyes, my stress, and annoyance fade at to his touch. </p>
<p>We hold our second kiss, Tadashi humming to the song still playing from the speakers. </p>
<p>
  <em>           Conscious beyond knowledge alterations are acknowledged, and the beauty you've inflicted is always in its action. Lovely day today, perfect time to open up to you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>          Time changed, we're different but my mind still says redundant things can I not think? Will you love this part of me? My lover is a day I can't forget</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>"I thought I liked you like 2 years ago when you joined the top class with me, but it felt more like pride. Like yeah, that's my best friend that worked his way up to the top with me, and he's mine only. But then I kept brushing it off, I always thought you wanted to just be close friends, I never pushed it, even when I wanted to. I got comfortable with our routine but now we're on summer break, and we have time to be alone again and the feeling wouldn't budge". </p>
<p>We sit on the floor, our backs against my bed, the bright moon illuminating my entire room through an open window. Our quiet conversation has no subject, no point. Just us talking into the night. </p>
<p>"I guess you're right, I just know I found out I was way into you too late". </p>
<p>"Too late? When is it considered too late?"</p>
<p>"When I started wanting to kiss you, and when I started masturbating to you, which I never did before". I look to my side, I suppress a laugh. </p>
<p>"You hadn't masturbated until you started liking me?" </p>
<p>"Don't give me your smirk, you pervert. When did you start?" </p>
<p>"Masturbating or masturbating to <em>you?</em>" I lean closer down, and his hands are already pushing me back. </p>
<p>"You look like flustered tomato". I laugh and lean my head to his.</p>
<p>"I always knew you were more perverted than me".  </p>
<p>"Did I deny it? Whenever we talked about anything related to sex or masturbating you would just switch the topic."</p>
<p>"Yeah, duh. It would mean talking about you. I just knew I wanted to have you as my best friend for as long I could. I didn't think you'd like me like that either... but honestly, did we ever truly have true boundaries? We pushed each other into different things, sometimes without even asking first". </p>
<p>"Like when you made me listen to Baby Metal's entire album last year?" I laugh at the memory of a winter break full of metal music and Tadashi giving himself whiplash when he tried to headbang to the music. </p>
<p>"Hey, you ended up liking some of their songs. But I meant more like physically and emotionally?" </p>
<p>"No, I guess not. But remember way back, when you'd ask me if it was ok to hug?" </p>
<p>"Oh right. I guess it felt right. I knew we were growing, and not <em>normal</em> for two guys to just hold each other as we did". He snuggled closer to me, his head finding the comfortable spot on my shoulder, our legs cramped and tangled together. </p>
<p>"You did most of the holding back then". </p>
<p>"You did the same for me, Kei". </p>
<p>"I never cared about what I looked like to others, or if they thought it was weird that we were always together. Especially not the year after the mess with Akiteru. I just wanted to disappear and forget, take back all my words and praises.. "</p>
<p>"Kei, I know. It was so long ago, you resolved it with him remember? You can let go now, if those memories hurt". </p>
<p>"How do I forget them?" </p>
<p>"You don't. You resolved them, and now you just move on, become a better person from it. He's trying to make things right. Try for him too." He looks up at me and giggles at my annoyance. </p>
<p>"Ok, try for me?" </p>
<p>"Maybe." We sit and watch the clouds move past the moon and every piece of the universe moved along. Except us. We sit silently, paused to bask in each other's warmth. Soon Tadashi's eyes begin to close, he mumbles something through yawns but I don't catch it. I see his watery brown eyes catch the light, his cheek pressed against my shoulder and I refuse to move, I don't want to stop staring at him, seeing him like this. </p>
<p>"Want me to put music... so you can sleep?"</p>
<p>"hmm, no... It's like, 3 in the morning Tsukki, let's go to bed, and I don't know where the earphones are". I rub circles with my thumb against the palm of his hand, his sleepy words slurred and deep. I still reach for my phone, I play his favorite song. It's so low I can barely hear it, but he smiles. </p>
<p>"I know you can't fall asleep without music".</p>
<p>"Bad habit.. picked up from you." He moves his head to my chest, his legs straddling mine. His weight feels comfortable on me, and I move my fingers from his palm up to his forearm, tracing imaginary lines between freckles. I sing into his hair and cradle him closer until I feel my own exhaustion take over. </p>
<p>
  <em>                             Come home let's synchronize, my soft lips caress your thighs. You get me so fucking high, the voices in my head collide. I think you're really cool like...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter songs were:<br/>Lover is a day by Cuco<br/>I think you're really cool by Guardin</p>
<p>This chapter was so fun to write, sorry for the wait.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Him & Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which things settle back to their normality.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The uncomfortable feeling in my legs woke me up. I prompt myself up with my elbows, my legs still feeling heavy and numb. I look over to the open window, the sunrise peeking through the horizon, tinting everything in a warm orange glow. Why is the window open? And why am I sleeping on a futon?...</p><p>Oh.</p><p>I move my legs slowly, the staticity feeling shooting up my thigh and almost making me whimper. With my hand, I outline Tsukki's leg which is tangled with mine and memories of last night flood to my mind, our conversations, our kisses. I shake my head, feeling my cheeks grow warm. I guess some time last night after we fell asleep instead of waking me up, he brought out the futon for me, and he laid beside me on the floor. I debate waking him up to take him to his bed, but knowing the limits of my own strength I know I won't be able to pick him up. So slowly, I inch him closer to the futon thanking him silently for being a side sleeper and after a while, we're both on it. The sun is almost completely up now, but I turn my back to see to face Tsukki, there's no practice or homework. We can sleep in. </p><p>
  <em>                                                     Oh, Ivy, sweetheart, daydream. Speechless ain't your thing; Tell me what you need.</em>
</p><p>Acoustic music fills my ears and wakes me up. I can hear a shower running on the other side of wall and remember where I am once again. I finally sit up and stretch, reaching for my phone which is dangerously low on battery. Notifications from the group chat of the team pilled up and I go through them,  Even on our days off, these guys just can't stand to not speak to each other huh? Finally, I notice to my side a pair of gray joggers and a black shirt sit neatly along with a glass of water. </p><p>"Have you always drooled that much when you sleep? I had to get you some water, I'm scared you drooled yourself to dehydration". </p><p>Tsukki's voice comes from behind me as I finish putting away the Futon, his usual smirk outlines his lips, but there's something different about it now. It makes me smile up to him. </p><p>"Have you always been such a loud snorer, Tsukki?"</p><p>I shove him lightly as I walk to the restroom, and he hooks his arms through my waist stopping me. His lips lay butterfly kisses on my temple and down my cheek as he mumbles something about 'sarcastic ass'. His wet hair tickles my face, making me laugh and I lay my arms around him, as he continues to hug me from behind. This is what felt different. </p><p>But it also feels so good. </p><hr/><p>We missed breakfast, of course. But in keeping his promise from last night, Tsukki and I sit next to each other in the back of Akiteru's small car as he drives us to out for lunch. Tsukki refused to sit in front with him, but seeing them hold light chatter is still a good start. Akiteru goes on about the best ramen spot in the center of the city and I see Tsukki slowly zone out. I reach for his hand and lace my fingers through his, and the comfortable silence lays between us. </p><p>The guys will probably never be able to see this, let alone feel it. A silence so familiar and comfortable, that comes naturally and settles in like a warm embrace. They'll never understand his sarcastic humor or be able to respond in a way that can keep it going for hours until he laughs. They'll never be able to study with quiet piano music, warm matcha tea, and after hours of studying he'll reward himself with strawberry shortcake, a big grin plastered in his face. I know they won't get to experience it and that sits well with me now. </p><p>Those things are just for him and me. </p><p>This our silence orchestrated with music and years of shared intimacy. Our silence to cherish and indulge in. I feel a small squeeze on my hand, and we both reach for our headphones. A long line of cars piles in front of us, Akiteru cursing quietly at the afternoon traffic. Tsukki's sarcastic comment is muffled by my headphones, and I choose a playlist for us.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapters song where:<br/>Ivy by SALES<br/>If you're curious what they played in the car ride, Eden by AK &amp; Sublab<br/>I imagine Tsukki and Yamaguchi listen to a lot of chill music. </p><p>Much love as always, LL.S</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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